Weight of the World
by stiffkittens101
Summary: Karin reflects on her life and all the darkness in it. She thinks about Sasuke, Orochimaru and her new life with Juugo. Will she ever able to cope with the pain she's been through? Song-fic. Rated M for some brief adult content.


**_For those of you who are currently reading my story Decode, you may be wondering why I'm writing a fanfic about Karin since I seem to hate her in the story. Well, I don't exactly hate her anymore. I don't particularly like her but I have a little respect for her now after reading some of the latest manga chapters. I felt bad for her after what Sasuke did to her and can understand more why she liked him so much. Another reason is because I've been listening to a lot of Evanescence recently and thought it would be cool to write a short story based off the song "Weight of the World". I was thinking about which Naruto character would suit the song. I thought at first of making it into a dark Gaara/Matsuri thing but I'm pretty sure something similar has been done. Anyways my idea for the plot seemed to fit Juugo and Karin and the idea of them in this way seemed to be interesting. Plus I don't think there are too many Juugo stories out there. So anyways, I decided to write this little one-shot to get it out my system. I hope someone likes it._**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Karin or Juugo from Naruto. These characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I also do not own the song "Weight of the World" by Evanescence. I am simply using these characters and song for creative writing purposes.  
**

Weight of the World

Juugo was always a strange fellow. He was bi-polar, like myself in a way. He always experienced the sudden urge to kill. He didn't really want to hurt anyone, but alas, could not control himself. Orochimaru was especially interested in him for a long while. When Kimimaro found Juugo and befriended him, he brought him to Orochimaru, believing he could help control his powers. When Orochimaru was introduced Juugo however, he only took interest in his abilities, as he did for all of his followers. In fact, it was from Juugo's powers that Orochimaru's curse mark originated. Juugo was kept in isolation, wearing a straight jacket like he was being kept in some kind of mental asylum. Now that I think about it, though, Oto practically was a mental asylum. The may as well as called it Orochimaru's funny farm. The only person who Juugo could confide into was Kimimaro, his only friend. Juugo always said that Kimimaro was the only one who could keep him almost sane. That is, up until now. Now, Juugo confides in me not only as a friend, but as a lover. How did this happen you may ask? Well, it all started after Sasuke had abandoned him, Suigetsu and I and and joined Madara in his new obession with getting revenge on Konoha.

_Feels like the weight of the world_

_Like God in Heaven gave me a turn_

If there is a God anyway, and if there's such thing as Heaven. One thing's for sure. There is a hell. I've experienced it throughout my entire life. My name is Karin. I am a former subordinate of the the evil mastermind, Orochimaru and former member of the Hidden Grass village, Kusagakure. Up until recently I was also a part of Team Hebi and even the notorious criminal organization, Akatsuki. Now, I don't belong to anything really. After Sasuke abandoned me, I was taken to the Hidden Leaf Village where they questioned me about any information about Sasuke who was now considered their greatest threat. I answered all of their questions truthfully to the best of my knowledge. Why should I try to protect Sasuke after what he did to me? All I ever did was obey his every command. I followed him in his goals, no matter how twisted they were, all to get close to him. All it ended up being was a waste of my time. He had used me, Suigetsu, Juugo, all of us. He was only interested in one thing about each of us and that was our abilities. Suigetsu's skills with a sword and the ability to liquidate himself. Juugo's strength and thirst for blood that was triggered by his bi-polar personality. And finally my tracking abilities. He also enjoyed the fact that each of us had pledged our loyalty to him. I don't think he cared much for the reason, just as long as he knew we were loyal. As far as I know, Suigetsu only followed Sasuke because he had liberated him from Orochimaru's prison. Juugo pledged his loyalty to Sasuke because he felt Sasuke was all he had left of Kimimaro. And I..,well I suppose you could say I had a bit of an obsession with Sasuke. But, alas, all of that was over now. Sasuke didn't care about me. He never did. He would of easily killed me, had that pink haired girl and her comrades had not interfered. I, just like Suigetsu, and Juugo, was nothing but a tool to Sasuke and he was done with me. After, I fed my information on Sasuke to the Leaf village shinobi, I was free to go. They too, were done with me. So I left, with nowhere to go, no one I could trust. When who should I run into but Juugo. Apparently, Suigetsu had ditched him to collect more swords and he had been wandering around, looking for Sasuke and instead, found me. I told him what had happened and he was deeply upset, angry even. "Kimimaro died..for this guy?", he said, in an even tone. His fist clenched and I could see his curse mark activating. I began to panic. "Don't lose it now, Juugo!", I cried. His eyes turned a yellow and he began to take on a different form. "Juugo, please stop!", I cried. I suddenly reached up and grabbed his face, not knowing what else to do. He looked into my eyes and I gulped. "P-please, calm down.", I begged. His eyes softened a little and eventually he returned to his normal state. "Better now?", I asked hesitantly, my hands still cupping his face. "Yeas, thank you, Karin." he said. I nodded, about to remove my hands from his face when he grabbed my wrist and kept them there. We looked into each others eyes. I'm not sure what it was, but a suddenly feeling came over me. Was it loneliness? A mutual understanding one another, and all the pain we've been through. Or maybe it was just a need for comfort? Whatever it was, it prompted me to kiss him. And here we are now in this unstable, one-sided relationship.

"Karin!", a sudden, desperate scream interrupts my sleep.

"What's wrong, Juugo?", I reply wearily.

"It's the voices again! They keep coming back! They won't leave me alone!". he cries

This had become a regular routine. I would be woken up in the middle of the night by his screams.

I reached up and grabbed his face, wiping his tears away. "It's going to be okay Juugo. Just control yourself, I know you can."

"I'm afraid, Karin. I'm afraid I'll lose control and hurt you one day."

"That won't happen, Juugo. You wouldn't hurt me. You're a good guy. I know you don't really want to kill. You can't help it. Just calm down. It'll be okay. " I was surprised he hadn't lost control and killed me yet. Sometimes I wish he would. I don't think I would much mind dying anymore. The idea of death no longer scares me. I just want to be free.

"Thank you, Karin. You're the only who keeps me sane, the only one who understands." He wraps his arms tightly around me.

_Don't cling to me, I swear I can't fix you_

_Still in the dark can you fix me?  
_

At first, I thought maybe he could fix me, that we could fix each other. We were alike in so many ways. We were both taken by Orochimaru and had many experiments tested on us. We were alone in our own ways. I never really had any true friends and when Kimimaro died, Juugo was all alone again. Neither of us were excepted by our villages. I never knew who my parents were .They died shortly after I was born. My caretaker, my aunt Mitsuki, told me they had died on a mission. She didn't care for me much either. The only reason why she enrolled me in the ninja academy was because it was apparently my parents request that I become a ninja like they were. That was about the only thing she did for me. She didn't abuse me exactly, mostly ignored me, unless she ordered me to do the house work. She saw me as nothing but a burden and she thought my ability was weird too. The ability to read peoples chakra. To be able to tell where people have been and when they approach. I discovered it when I turned eight. Even though many thought I was weird, I graduated the academy and became a genin. I was assigned to a three-man squad just like everyone else. I thought I would finally have a chance to make friends. I was wrong. My teammates didn't like me, they even called me a freak behind my back. I think they ditched me on purpose that day, my teammates I mean. A few months later my village was invaded and burnt down. Thanks to my ability, I could sense people with dark chakra approaching, so I fled and hid in the woods nearby. I watched in horror as my village was attacked. I remember the screams of agony. They still haunt my dreams. When the madness was over, I went back to what was left my fallen village. Everyone I knew was dead. Many thoughts filled my head. Who would do this? Why did this happen. Where will I go now? Was there anyone left? And if there was, would they help me? That's when I sensed more dark chakra. I thought the ninjas who attacked the village had come back and were going to kill me. Iturned around and saw a tall man with long black hair and snake-like features. He asked me how I had survived. I hestitated and then answered him, telling him I could tell large groups of people were coming. He smiled and told me to come with him. And I obeyed. 'What did I have to lose?', I thought. And so, I beome another one of Orochimaru's many followers. That's how I met Juugo, Suigetsu, and of course, Sasuke.

I remember the first time Sasuke was brought to Orochimaru's hideout. I was in complete awe. Just like the first time my eyes gazed upon him. He probably didn't remember me, but the first time him and I met was during the Chuunin exams. You see, before my village was burnt down, and I was found by Orochimaru, I was participating with my team in the Chuunin exams which took place in the Forest of Death. I don't remember when exactly but somehow I had gotten separated from my teammates. I was searching for them when I was suddenly attacked by a giant bear. I panicked and tried to fight it off but wasn't strong enough. I called out to my former teammates but they didn't answer. I screamed when the bear had knocked me down causing my glasses to fall off. I quivered in fear. I thought for sure I was done for. I prepared myself to die when suddenly I heard the bear cry out in pain. My ears perked up and frantically began to search for my glasses. When I finally found them and put them on, I looked up and saw _him_ Sasuke Uchiha. He had saved me. I looked up at him and he smiled at me. I was instantly dazzled. I had never seen anyone so handsome. He took the earth scroll I retrieved and left so suddenly. The only thing he said before he left was "Well, see ya."

When I saw him at Orochimaru's hideout, I couldn't believe my eyes. After that day, I was sure I would never see him again. I was so full of joy. That's when I learned that Orochimaru had a special plan for Sasuke. Orochimaru definitely had many favorites among his followers, I should know, I used to be one of them. Sasuke however, was without a doubt, Orochimaru's number one. I wondered the reason why Sasuke came to Oto. Later, I found out that he seeked power, power he needed to take revenge on someone who had murdered his entire clan. I was shocked when I found out that person was his older brother. 'How could someone do such a thing to their own flesh and blood?', I thought to myself. I guess, I shouldn't have been so surprised, after witnessing the unspeakable things Orochimaru had done. Sometimes I wonder why I was so loyal to him back then. Why I always pledged my loyalty to people who didn't care a thing about me.

Anyway, I later found out that Orochimaru had planned on training Sasuke and teaching him as much jutsu as possible. He would mold Sasuke into the perfect weapon and then, when the time was right he would take over Sasuke's body himself. This he believed, would turn him into an all powerful shinobi. Orochimaru eventually got me involved, when he ordered me to whip up a concoction that would erase Sasuke's memories of his old life in Konoha. If Sasuke had drank it, Orochimaru could of easily altered Sasuke's mind and make him completely devoted to Orochimaru. You see, even though Sasuke had come to Orochimaru seeking power, he never really respected Orochimaru like everyone else. Even the part of me that was loyal to Orochimaru back then always sort of admired Sasuke for that reason. I found it fascinating how he defiant he was towards authority. So when Orochimaru had me make the potion, I felt sort of guilty, for I knew Sasuke's goals, and knew Orochimaru could make him forget about Itachi. Then, I thought, maybe if Sasuke did drink the potion, I could make him love me. When I offered it to him however, he refused to drink it. "How stupid do you think I am?", he asked. "You can tell Orochimaru that I will not lose sight of my goals." The fact that he knew only fed my infactuation with him.

A couple of years later when I heard the news that Sasuke had slain Orochimaru, I was almost in disbelief. I knew that Sasuke hated Orochimaru but I didn't think he would go as far as to actually kill him. I did know however, that Sasuke was powerful enough to do it. A few months before the event, Orochimaru had placed me in charge of his southern hideout. If the prisoners even spoke about Orochimaru's death, I would have them killed as if it would make it untrue. Now that I look back on it, I suppose it was pretty harsh of me. Back then, I was truly loyal to Orochimaru. After all, he took me in. He fed me, clothed me, told me I was special. for the first time in my life, I felt that someone actually cared for me, that I was needed. Back then, he seemed almost like a father to me. Anyways, Sasuke traveled to the southern hideout, and he brought that idiot Suigetsu with him. If Suigetsu had not constantly made fun of me, such as calling me a four-eyed freak, or making fun of the way I styled my hair, I don't think I would of minded him so much. Besides, his chakra scent bothered me. Anyways, Sasuke came to recruit me. I remember how my heart skipped a beat when he said he needed me. He _needed_ me. Not for the reasons I had hoped but he needed me nonetheless. At first I refused him, saying there was nothing in it for me. That's when he ordered Suigetsu to free the prisoners, leaving the two of us alone. I pretended to be angry but as soon Suigetsu left the room, the flirty side of my personality kicked in. I locked the door. "I'll come.", I said in a flirty voice. Then I took off my glasses and sat down next to him, trying to be seductive. I leaned towards him and whispered "You know, we don't have to take stupid Suigestu either. All we need is each other.", I breathed. I tried to stand my ground when he pushed me away and told me to back off. That's when Suigetsu knocked down the door and I grabbed my glasses and quickly left Sasuke's side, feeling embarrassed. Suigetsu suggested that they leave, pointing out that I clearly stated I showed no interest in going. When Sasuke told him, I had changed my mind, my face flared and I retorted, saying I would only go because I had something to take care of in the direction they were headed anyway. And so, we left and headed to the western hideout to recruit our next member, Juugo. I now understand, that joining Sasuke because of some stupid infatuation was the biggest mistake of my life. But, hey that's me, always acting before thinking.

_Free fall, free fall_

_All through life_

When Sasuke had finally reached Itachi, fought him, and found out the truth, he was devastated. Apparently Tobi AKA Madara Uchiha had revealed to Sasuke that Itachi was actually a good guy. The Uchiha Massacre had been an order from the hokage. The Uchiha's had been planning to take over Konoha and Itachi was acting as a double agent for both sides. Turns out he was more loyal to his village then his own family. He didn't want to slaughter them but knew something had to be done. He practically begged that Sasuke be kept alive. After the act had been done and he had convinced Sasuke that he was a cold and heartless man, he left Konoha and joined the infamous criminal organization, Akatsuki, keeping a watchful eye for Konoha and Sasuke the whole time. Sasuke found that Itachi had planned to die by his hand all along. Sasuke, now filled with a new love and respect for his brother and a new hate for Konoha joined Akatsuki, and the rest of course followed him. In the end, he used us all.

After his long engaging battle with Danzo, he had used me to kill him. You see, towards the end of the battle, Danzo had captured me and Sasuke who I somehow, thought would rescue me, stabbed both me and Danzo. I was shocked and especially hurt when Sasuke with the coldest eyes I've ever seen, told me that if I could be captured so easily, that I was nothing but a burden. Both Danzo and I dropped to the ground and my heart was broken. Sasuke was no longer the cool shinobi I loved, he was a heartless man obsessed with revenge and power. I couldn't believe I didn't see it before. Once again, I had been used. Now, I'm stuck here with Juugo. He looks to me for comfort. It's sickening. If he only knew how messed up in the head I was, would he still confide in me? I'll never know. He won't listen to me. I'm always the one who listens to him cry.

He starts to kiss me neck and I shiver. Not sure, I should of been used to this by now. He licks the haft of my ear and lustfully whispers. "I love you, Karin."

_If you love me, then let go of me_

_I won't be held down by who I used to be_

_She's nothing to me  
_

Who was she anyway? Me? A tool. A frightened little girl. A whore. A liar. I want so badly to forget, but you won't let me. Your tears, your screams, you pain. They just remind me of the darkness in my life. I try so hard to forget her, to forget myself. But she won't leave me alone. I won't leave myself alone.

"I love you too.", I lie. It had become so easy for me to lie. So I let him lower me down and kiss me all over. I've tried so hard to make myself love Juugo, but I just can't. How can I, when I don't love myself? when I hate myself. When I cannot learn to forgive myself. He looks down at me with eyes full of need. He gives me a meaningful look and I nod. He postions himself over me and enters. I don't feel a thing I've become so numb. All I feel, is a weight over my body.

_Feels like the weight of the world_

_Like all my screaming has gone unheard_

_And oh, I know you don't believe in me_

_Safe in the dark how can you see?_

As Juugo continues to move against me, trying to drive away his own pain, I think of all the pain I've gone through in my life. How I was never fully accepted in my village. How my teammates, my aunt and others in the village called me a freak behind my back. Then how I was found by Orochimaru and how he ran all those experiments on me. How he developed a justu for me to heal others by letting them bite me and suck out my chakra, and how the twisted part of me began to grow accustomed to it, even enjoying it. Then I thought about how Orochimaru put me in charge of his southern hideout and how the prisoners would call me a heartless bitch and a whore behind my back. Then came along, Sasuke, asking me to join him in his quest and me accepting it, wanting to please him and be near him. Stupid Sasuke. You turned me into a pervert. You drove me to be so obsessed with you that it drove me to the point of insanity. I even went as far as to keeping your old sweat-drenched shirt and planning to rape you in your sleep. It wasn't my fault dammit! You made me! You acted like you needed me and then just threw me away! I threw myself all over you, I obeyed your every order, and did my best to please you! But it was never good enough was it?! You just rejected me, used me, and left me for dead! How could you?! I hate you, Sasuke! I hate eveyone! I hate Juugo! I hate Suigetsu! I hate Orochimaru! I hate myself! I can't take this anymore!

_Free fall, free fall_

_All through life_

"Get off of me.", I whispered. He doesn't hear me. "I said get off of me!", I yell.

With all my might, I pushed Juugo off of my body. I looked at him, expecting him to become angry but instead he is confused.

"W-what's wrong, Karin.?", he asked, panting.

"I can't take this anymore! It's too much!", I cry. Tears start to fall down my face. Juugo is concerned. He reaches for my face and I slap his hand away.

"Don't touch me!", I scream.

"Karin, please, tell me what's wrong!", he begs.

"Why? You won't understand! No one will ever understand me!", I scream

"Karin, I..I love you."

_If you love me, then let go of me_

Suddenly, voices began invading _my _head. I hear my teammates making fun of me when they thought I wasn't listening. I hear their screams of agony along with the other citizens when my old village was burnt down. I hear Orochimaru telling me that I was special and promising this experiment wouldn't hurt. I hear and feel different people biting me hard and greedily sucking at my chakra. I hear the prisoners of the southern hideout talking about me, "Bitch! Whore!". I hear Sasuke spewing orders at me and hear Suigetsu making fun of me. I hear Orochimaru's and Sasuke's wicked laughter. I hear Juugo crying out to me. It becomes all too much.

"NO! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I reach for a kunai on the table next to me. I now understand Juugo a bit better, I just want to make the voices go away. But it's too late. I plunge the kunai into my chest. The pain feels so good. I sigh in relief. The voices are gone. And I am dead.

_I won't be held down, by who I used to to be.

* * *

_

_**Well, there you have it. Pretty dark huh? It was certainly different to write. I hope it's worth reading. If anyone reads this please review and let me know your thoughts. Good day.**_


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